In the silence, in the quiet, I can feel the Fire.

it's been a while, my blogspot. almost 2 months. that's a while in my book.

i crave to have a heart like my Father. i crave to have His eyes and His passion and do His work, but all of that sometimes gets thrown aside because of the busyness of this world. it gets thrown aside because i don't want to have to put myself aside to do His work because in the end it might cost me something. this has to change. this has to be a change in my heart, in my passion, in my plans.

in the past year, it hasn't been my plans that have been being fulfilled because i wouldn't be in the place i am if it was up to me, honestly. there's no way i would be in slidell, still. north louisiana is much more convenient and safe. it's where i think i should be at times, but it would be too easy. honestly, i don't like where i work. i dread going to work each day and can't wait to leave when the clock hits that hour. it frustrates me that i don't have the job i want, the "perfect" college grad, CPA firm job. i can do it, i just don't know how to. so the wait continues.

maybe because i have spent one too many nights alone in the apartment, that i come up with all these insecurities. maybe because i haven't been in my Word like i should be. maybe it's because i am not fulfilling God's purpose for me. (it's the last 2, completely). if i planned out everything then wouldn't i be defeating the Jer. 11:29 of "I (God) know the plans I have for you to prosper and not destroy you," theory? in the end this life is not up to me, but is to be laid down for the glory of my God. to be a useful tool in His Kingdom and not for the success or betterment of myself, as hard as that may be on a daily basis. i don't want to get to heaven one day and hear my God say "i don't know you." without Him supporting me, i wouldn't have gotten this far and won't get much further if i continue to distance that relationship.

i can't walk in my call without Him. i can't fulfill His purpose without knowing Him. i can't ignore His presence when His blessings are all around. i can't hear His voice if i don't spend time with Him. i can't spend time with Him without prayer, worship and Word time.

verse to contemplate for the night: 1 Corinthians 1:27-29.